Take Action Toward Healing

With Father’s Day fast approaching, it brings to mind a profound experience I had with my dad many years ago. He was larger than life to me when I was a young girl, and a lieutenant colonel in the army on top of it. He ran our home using fear to control and uphold his rulings.

However, the purpose of this post is not to focus on all the negative accounts of my upbringing but to focus on the healing power of forgiveness through the sharing of a positive story involving my dad.

When I first learned that my father was dying, I had a lot of concerns about the whole situation, and we hadn’t seen each other for quite some time. However, my wise mentor and coach at the time encouraged me to see him, and said that I’d be going to heal myself and not as a favor for him.

So, I hesitantly went to where he was hospitalized, and upon arrival, I saw a man I didn’t recognize. He was no longer the big and tall man I remembered but actually looked quite frail, and was uncharacteristically, not in control of his surroundings.

Over the course of several months, my siblings and I took turns visiting with him, so that he was never alone. Then, on one particular day, when my sister and I were on our way out of the hospital, I got this extremely strong internal push to return to his hospital room.

So, I quickly turned around and headed back toward his room with my sister following behind. Once inside, I approached his bedside, which she said was like a scene from a movie, with the director calling out, “action.”

I walked right up to my dad and said, “Hi dad just wanted to come back and tell you that I love you.”

He said, “I love you too,” which are words I never heard from him before.

My sister, who was in the back of the room silently observing the whole scene, said that the nurses in the room had stopped in their tracks while these unplanned and unexpected words were coming out of my mouth.

Soon after that he died.

My mentor had been right about my going to see him, and how healing it would be for me, and I suspect it was for him as well. I would have missed out on this great opportunity, if I hadn’t taken the action and gone to see him, in spite of my misgivings.

Forgiveness is a process and not an overnight matter but continues to be the best cure for resentment, anger and all other forms of internal suffering. It is a way to disconnect from the emotional charge that is attached to a certain person, situation, or memory, and not about condoning, reconciling, minimizing or letting the offending party off the hook.

Ironically, forgiving another, lets us off the hook from carrying around the pain that resides in our minds and hearts. Therefore, it is extremely important to courageously take the necessary steps to release ourselves from the negativity and grief that may be keeping us stuck.

A few methods that can assist in this process are:

1. Writing a letter to the offending party and expressing all the hurt that we have inside but not mailing it.
2. Praying for the resented person in order to get the spiritual help, and courage to release the potent anger within.
3. Being willing and open to follow the guidance, opportunities and situations that present themselves toward our healing.
4. Talking to a professional or an understanding friend to discuss and process the negative feelings we have about a particular person, memory or situation.

We learn that it is up to us to ask for help and come to terms with our experiences. No matter what our relationship is with our fathers or anyone else, let today and this holiday represent the healing power of forgiveness.

Happy Father’s Day!

Action Step:

If you are struggling with unpleasant feelings and thoughts about someone in your life; ask in meditation that you be shown the way to forgiveness, and be given the courage to follow the actions you are guided to take.

All Is Well – Book Review

The book entitled, All Is Well: Heal Your Body with Medicine, Affirmations, and Intuition by Louise L. Hay and Mona Lisa Schulz, was given to me by Hay House Publishing in exchange for my honest opinion of it.

I love the teachings of Louise Hay, so definitely would not deter anyone from reading any of her books including this one. I appreciate her positive approach to life, and this book was a good refresher of the information in her other writings as well.

However, what was new and an added benefit was her collaboration with Mona Lisa who is a medical physician and intuitive. Together they discuss treating the whole person, and making a connection between our thoughts and physical symptoms.

It was interesting to read their combined knowledge of health and wellness. Each author has years of experience exploring emotional causes for our physical illnesses and sheds light on how to help us heal beyond just going to the doctor.

Instead of reading this book from the first page to the last, I find myself using it more like a physical health reference book for specific areas of the body, and as a reminder for keeping healthy thoughts as well.

Louise is particularly known for teaching about affirmations and Mona Lisa brings scientific evidence to support how effective making positive statements about life can be for our overall health.

This book helps us to take a more active role in listening to our bodies, and we are encouraged to say the following affirmation repeatedly whenever there is a problem which will help ease our stress.

All is well.

Everything is working out for my highest good.

Out of this situation only good will come.

I am safe.

Enjoy!

Balance Thinking and Action

 

The quote above has become very relevant in my own life lately and those around me as well. When we are looking to make a change or events happen that force a decision to be made, many of us respond in one of two ways:

1. We impulsively react and make a decision without enough information.
2. We drive ourselves crazy with endless details, information and obsessive thinking without really getting anywhere.

Of course, sometimes when we feel extreme confusion over some action to take, it can be a sign that we aren’t ready. On the other hand, it can just mean we are experiencing fears and loss about having to make a hard choice, which stops us from moving forward.

No one can really decide for us or be inside our skin to have full knowledge of what is causing our trepidation. It is useful to talk with others but then ultimately we have to weigh the input we receive against what feels true for us.

It can be painful when we are trying to decide between an array of choices; especially if we see them as black and white, right and wrong or good and bad. This thinking sets us up to lose either way because nothing we decide will feel good.

Therefore, once we have weighed the pros and cons and given ourselves some time to do what we feel is best; then taking an action either way will just lead us to different opportunities. We can’t usually predict the outcome of any decision we make with exact certainty. However, once we make a choice, then our energy is best served toward seeing what unfolds instead of living in regret and worry. Often, easier said than done!

If you are in a tug of war with your thinking, maybe some of the quotes below will help.

“You can’t make decisions based on fear and the possibility of what might happen.”
― Michelle Obama

“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful…”
― José N. Harris

“If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another.The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.If this sounds too mystical, refer again to the body. Every significant vital sign- body temperature, heart rate, oxygen consumption, hormone level, brain activity, and so on- alters the moment you decide to do anything… decisions are signals telling your body, mind, and environment to move in a certain direction.”    ― Deepak Chopra

 “Trust your instincts, and make judgments on what your heart tells you. The heart will not betray you.”
― David Gemmell

Action Step:

I heard the saying below recently and think it is a good thing to think about today, especially if you are struggling with a decision.

‘Never make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion!’

Cultivate the Love Within

The conversation outlined below occurred between Wayne W. Dyer and an audience member sitting in the front row at one of his seminars. Dr. Dyer was using an orange to illustrate a point about getting squeezed by the daily stresses of life and what comes out of us under challenging conditions.

It is a very enlightening exchange and a great reminder that we can’t fool ourselves or others about what we hold within us because sooner or later it will be shown outside us.

“If I were to squeeze this orange as hard as I could, what would come out?”

“Juice, of course.”

“Do you think apple juice could come out of it?”

“No!”

“What about grapefruit juice?”

“No!”

“What would come out of it?”

“Orange juice, of course.”

“Why, when you squeeze an orange does orange juice come out?”

“Well, it’s an orange and that’s what’s inside.”

“Let’s assume that this orange isn’t an orange, but it’s you. And someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, says something you don’t like, and offends you. And out of you comes anger, hatred, bitterness, fear. Why? Because that’s what’s inside.”

We have a choice on the thoughts, feelings and beliefs we hold inside us, unlike an orange which doesn’t get to choose its contents.

Good food for thought!

When you get squeezed, what is your first response?

Action Step:

If you want to feel and respond more lovingly, then cultivate tender thoughts and feelings within you through affirmations, meditation and good self-care. These practices go a long way toward growing the love!

Banish Boredom

“Only boring people get bored.”
― Ruth Burke

The quote by Ruth Burke above may sound harsh but it can also motivate us into action and get proactive in our lives. Often, when we feel bored it can be tempting to make outside circumstances the cause and passively wait for circumstances to change. However, if we are taking ownership of our lives, then boredom is a helpful symptom that lets us know we are living in predictable ways, and are not exploring anything new or differently.

If we feel bored, then it is up to us to do something about it, and not wait for someone or something to happen to get us excited again.

This doesn’t necessarily mean an entire life overhaul but it might mean going a different way to work, eating at a different restaurant, changing up our exercise routine or taking up a hobby. It might also mean reconnecting with some goals or passions we have stopped doing or striving for, or ceasing thinking and talking about the same things in the same ways.

We are the author of our own life and this quote is a call for us to make some adjustments. If we were reading a book, and it had predictable story lines and it was the same information chapter after chapter, we wouldn’t finish the book or would be bored throughout. Not that every word or page has to be fantastic but we would want it to be interesting, leading somewhere and have some exciting surprises along the way as well.

Well, we can do that in our own lives too. We can approach and create each day as if it is a novel we are writing. We can spend our time creating an exciting, informative and interesting compilation of thoughts, and experiences.

Any previous days or chapters are in the past but this is a new day that we are writing. We can use the old manuscripts as a reference point, and apply any lessons learned there into our current novel.

As in any interesting novel, there are unexpected plot twists, characters and events that occur which can suddenly move us in a whole new direction. We may not have control over these occurrences but we do have control over our responses and general attitude.

Being open and optimistic about each day and our hopes for the future creates joy and flexibility, whereas, being pessimistic creates boredom, depression and rigidity.

Psychologist Dr. Martin Seligman explains a pessimist to be someone who uses the three P’s below to explain themselves and their lot in life:

Personalization: “It always happens to me!”

Pervasiveness: “It happens to me every day in every way!”

Permanence: “It will never end!”

As we can see, pessimistic thoughts won’t get us where we want to be. We all get lost sometimes and get writers block on occasion, but when we jump back into life and take some new and exciting actions, our creative juices will start flowing again.

It is exciting to think that today is evolving in this moment, and our present choices can help make it a joyful one or not. Now is the time to fully participate in our current relationships, careers and individual pursuits for better daily experiences, and leave boredom behind us.

Action Step:

If you are feeling bored today, than do one thing differently than you normally do.

Embrace Goal Setting

Many of us have a negative association with setting goals, as it feels like a lot of work to write down what we would like to accomplish, and then take the actions necessary toward their fulfillment.

Ironically, it actually takes less energy to have a written strategy in place, then to leave our desires open ended. When we keep our desires loosely undefined in our head without any plans in place toward their completion, it doesn’t motivate us to put any goal setting processes in motion. Consequently, they remain an unfulfilled wish and longing.

However, when we see our goals in black and white, with an assigned time frame for their completion; it generates excitement, momentum and a willingness to go for them, as we see they can become a reality!

We don’t want to worry and obsess about fulfilling our goals though, as that would create unnecessary pressure and stress; while ruining any joyful feelings that come from accomplishment.

We can, however, make this a fun process by putting a goal chart on the wall, and listing specific and measurable goals we would like to complete. Upon completion, we can check each one off, and have some other celebratory reward system along with it.

We can start with relatively small items on our goal chart, and then build up to writing bigger and better dreams as we accomplish each one.

What motivates you to take action toward your goals?

Action Step:

Fill out a goals chart, and then slowly complete each one over a 90 day period.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Enjoy all the helpful and uplifting quotes below by Wayne W. Dyer. Make this and every day a celebration!

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”

“Friends are God’s way of apologizing for your family.”

“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

“With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.”

“You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.”

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.”

“When the choice is to be right or to be kind, always make the choice that brings peace.”

“Your reputation is in the hands of others. That’s what the reputation is. You can’t control that. The only thing you can control is your character.”

“You have everything you need for complete peace and total happiness right now.”

“Conflict cannot survive without your participation.”

“Circumstances do not make a man, they reveal him.”

 “I am realistic – I expect miracles.”

“Heaven on Earth is a choice you must make, not a place you must find.”

“Your children will see what you’re all about by what you live rather than what you say.”

“You don’t need to be better than anyone else you just need to be better than you used to be.”

“You cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside.”

“In any relationship in which two people become one, the end result is two half people.”

“When you’re at peace with yourself and love yourself, it is virtually impossible to do things to yourself that are destructive.”

“When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It’s to enjoy each step along the way.”

“Each experience in your life was absolutely necessary in order to have gotten you to the next place, and the next place, up to this very moment.”

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame her, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.”