Change Your State

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” -Tony Robbins

Changing our state of mind and feelings can be challenging, but it can also be very exciting, empowering, and exhilarating too!

We all tend to have certain thinking and behavior patterns, which affects the unfolding of our life experiences, and the feelings we have about ourselves as well.

For instance, worry or other stressful thinking, never works in creating joyful feelings for us but definitely works against us, by creating suffering.

Fortunately, we can take steps to elevate our emotional life through awareness and action.

In the video conversation above, bestselling author and life strategist Tony Robbins discusses tips on ‘priming’ ourselves to feel good, and how emotion is created by motion.

What daily preparations do you install for lifting your emotions to a higher state?

 

 

Be a Good Listener

good listener

The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”  Ralph Nichols

On a scale of one to ten, how good of a listener are you?

The value of listening cannot be overstated enough, as being one of the most effective ways to help another, and heal ourselves as well. Offering a nonjudgmental listening space can work wonders when someone is struggling.

Rarely, can we talk someone into wellness, but we can listen our way into helping another feel heard and understood.

Giving our undivided attention is not always easy; as we can get distracted and unintentionally short-circuit a conversation, by giving a one size fits all solution to what we think we heard.

Unfortunately, this can cause many problems, and misunderstanding in our relationships.

Therefore, I have provided a brief listening self-assessment inventory below, which I shared several years ago. It is a great personal growth tool, for gauging our current listening abilities and bringing attention to areas we might want to improve upon.

It is not meant to be used as a way to beat ourselves up, but rather, as a way to take an active role in improving our listening skills, so we can really hear what others are saying.

Hope you will look through the following 15 items, and congratulate yourself on all the ‘rarely’ responses you discover.

Enjoy!

Listening Self-Assessment Inventory

(Frequently, Sometimes, Rarely)

1.   I interrupt people when they are talking.
2.   I multitask at the same time I am listening.
3.   I am uncomfortable being silent during a conversation.
4.   If someone pauses to think of a word, I give it to them.
5.   I wait for the other person to pause so I can jump in and make my point.
6.   I listen for the “gist” of what’s said rather than to each word.
7.   I stop listening if someone is too detailed or verbose.
8.   I am easily distracted while I am listening.
9.   I convey resistance, disagreement or non-interest with my body language (arms folded in front of my chest, looking around room).
10.     I fake listening.
11.     I decide the merits of the other person’s message based on his/her appearance, status, age, race, etc.
12.     I think about what’s wrong with the other person’s point/idea as I listen.
13.     I don’t give feedback to the other person about what he/she has said.
14.     I listen impatiently (fidgeting, looking at watch, etc.)
15.     I don’t make eye contact when I’m listening.

 

Say Yes!

say yes 2

It’s funny how the smallest of decisions can have an enormous effect on our day, and life. For instance, I attended a function on Saturday, where I didn’t know any of the other attendees.

When the event concluded, I intended to head to my car and return directly home. However, instead, I decided to hang around for a bit afterwards, which led to a great discussion with a few other attendees who were planning to head home as well.

Our great connection, led to a really enjoyable impromptu lunch, and plans to get together again soon! We were all pleased with how we took the action and said yes, to getting out of our comfort zones, and going with the flow.

On my way home and feeling great from this encounter, I heard on the radio that our local professional football team was doing their summer training at a facility not far from our house.

So, spontaneously, my husband and I decided to go the stadium and watch their practice, which was not in our original chore listed plans for the day. However, we said yes to the moment and just followed the flow of the day.

We met a great couple in the seats next to us, and more great connections for the day resulted, including meeting this little cutie below in the seats in front of us. She is a great cheerleader!

Little cheerleader

Too often, it is easier to stick with a set plan, and not be open to new opportunities. By taking just a few unexpected actions that day, I met new friends from my event, and my husband and I had a fun experience at the football practice.

Carrying the spirit of saying yes to new experiences, and allowing some spontaneity into our life in large and small ways, creates a positive emotional state change which we often try to get just by thinking good thoughts.

Thinking our way to good feelings is very valuable, but also doing fun and different things gives us a natural high, and gets us out of our heads! A vacation from thinking and just doing is a real treat too!

Fear is usually the culprit which keeps us from initiating conversations with others, or attending certain events. A book I read many years ago called, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Dr. Susan Jeffers, really addresses this issue in depth.

It’s a great reminder that it is natural and normal to experience feelings of fear, but to not let them stop us from saying yes because of them.

What a freedom!

Do you consider yourself a spontaneous person?

 

Let Go of the Outcome

let go

At some point in our life, we all experience times when something doesn’t go our way, even when we have taken all the right actions.

For instance, we might have returned to school to study a particular trade, but didn’t land our dream job right out of school. Or we might have been turned down for a promotion we worked hard for, or didn’t get the dream house we desired after saving for many years.

It is normal to have certain expectations about the outcomes we desire. However, if we don’t get the results we want, then we have to let go in the present moment, and trust that the outcome will be better for us down the road.

Letting go, and accepting a particular outcome doesn’t mean giving up or abandoning our dreams altogether, it just means we might have to find another way, or move in a different direction for the time being.

It is usually only in hindsight, that we can see the blessings behind the postponements. Thankfully, we usually end up finding a better job, starting our own company, or finding a better house than the one we originally planned on.

Experiencing any disappointment can be a challenge while we are going through it, but finding acceptance will make it a much more peaceful process. One way to find acceptance is by being grateful for what we already have, as expressed in a section of my book below.

‘Having a grateful heart makes us aware of all the wonderful things we currently have in our life, and an appreciation for all the gifts we’ve been given in the past. Increasing our awareness on a daily basis of all the good we have now and wish to receive, begins with “gratitude thinking.”

A good way to maintain a feeling of gratitude is to write down five or more things we’re grateful for each day, and really feel the appreciation.

We can also take the written list one step further as Dr. Christiane Northrup does, and keep a video log, where we record something we are grateful for each day too! That way, we have a visual book which is fun to look at as well.

By installing a daily habit of gratitude, we are nurturing our mind and heart with loving support, and developing trust that the right outcome for us is on the way!

How do you keep positive in the face of disappointments?

 

Cherish All Gifts

inner peace

We all like to give and receive gifts.

Sometimes, as the giver, we have to hunt high and low, to find that perfect item for the special person, and occasion we are celebrating.

Often though, the best gifts are the ones we don’t buy but the ones we personally create.

For example, years ago, I had heard about a mother named Charlene Costanzo who had written down 12 loving messages for her two daughters as a personal gift of life lessons, and to describe the gifts we are born with.

Later, she would turn it into a book called The Twelve Gifts of Birth, so that others could enjoy them as well.

Below are the twelve gifts she wrote about, which we are all blessed with at birth, and can enjoy for a lifetime.

12 gifts

What is the best gift you’ve received?

Win a Gift Card

bath and body works

Thanks so much for being a follower of this blog for many years, and welcome to those who are new to it, as well.

I appreciate all 1000 of you who have signed up so far, as of today, and want to celebrate you and today’s milestone, by offering a summertime giveaway.

Enter to win one of two $10.00 gift cards for Bath & Body Works products, just by re-blogging this or any other existing post from this blog between July 24 and July 31, 2016.

By sharing any existing blog post from here, your name will be automatically entered into the drawing.

Thank you for all the likes, and lovely comments I’ve received and good luck in the drawing!

Drawing summary:

  1. Re-blog this or any existing article from this blog between July 24 and July 31, 2016.
  2. Upon re-blogging, your name will be automatically entered into the drawing.
  3. A total of two Bath & Body Works $10.00 gift cards will be awarded.
  4. Gift cards can be used in stores or online at their website link listed in number 3.
  5. The two winners will be drawn, notified and announced on August 1, 2016.

Good luck and thanks!

Best,

Cathie

Pay Attention to Messages

New book

I awoke about a month ago, with a great title for a book on my mind! I hadn’t even been thinking about writing a book, so it was surprising to awaken with a clear set of words strung together, which formed the wonderful title.

From many past experiences, these unexpected, out of the blue happenings are messages that I have learned to pay attention to.

In the case of my first book, The Right Relationship Start with You, I was guided to write it first, and the title came at the end.

I haven’t been able to get this new title out of my mind, and have subsequently begun writing the book that perfectly corresponds to the title I was provided.

The words just flashed across the inside of my eyelids, before opening my eyes that particular morning, and keep flashing today, as a reminder to keep writing the content that goes with it.

It doesn’t even seem like I’m the one doing the writing, as I feel like the secretarial recorder of the information coming in, as if the words are being dictated to me by someone or something else.

I think too often, it is easy to take personal credit for the significant coincidences, or creative ideas we receive, and not give credit to the unexplained sources of inspiration or intuition that come through us, and not from us.

May sound mystical or certainly not rational, but we can probably all point to unexplained thoughts or ideas that seem to have popped out of nowhere, and provided us with wisdom not ordinarily our own, and inner strength beyond our human capabilities.

Wherever our inspiration comes from, it is a blessing when it arrives. Sometimes it is clear like the title to a book, (which I will reveal when it’s written), and other times more subtle like an intuitive sense to move in another direction.

Therefore, if we are aware and open to the messages that cross our path, we will experience adventures we never originally planned for, and look back with gratitude on the gifted unexplained nudges we received along the way.

What messages have you paid attention to, and how did they arrive?