Own It!

Own it “accept yourself fully, both your strengths and weaknesses, and live life without regrets or apology.”

~Scott Barry Kaufman

Years ago, I remember a friend saying, “Don’t play takeaway” when someone gives you a compliment or when speaking about your accomplishments.

For instance, instead of saying, “oh, this old thing” when someone compliments your clothing or “anyone can do that” when your creative talents are recognized, just own it and say “thank you.”

May sound easy to embrace wonderful acknowledgements but downplaying ourselves is often a habit.

There is nothing arrogant about accepting a compliment or feeling proud of ourselves about some aspect of our lives. Unfortunately, many of us think we are being conceited or full of ourselves if we express satisfaction about something we have done or are doing.

Humility is a beautiful quality but is quite different than putting ourselves down or minimizing any positive acknowledgments that are directed our way.

Do you catch yourself diminishing aspects of who you are? How would you like to own it today?

Action Step:

Pay attention to the words you use when someone pays you a compliment or asks about your life. Be sure not to sell yourself short!

Click here for personal-growth coaching information or to schedule an appointment.

Click here for my book, The Right Relationship Starts with You

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Deactivate People Pleasing Buttons

We’ve all heard the refrain, “Just say No!” or “Speak Your Truth” in response to undesirable requests or unpleasant behaviors from other people.

Clearly easier said than done!

For instance, many of us can relate to saying ‘Yes’ when we wanted to say ‘No’ because we didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or appear unkind in our honesty.  So, we agreed to the request with our words, which didn’t align with what we really wanted to say.

In these cases, it’s easy to blame the other person for our dishonest answer, but often it is our own people pleasing habits, or fear of confrontation that made us go against our true preferences, desires, wants and needs.

That said, it isn’t about blaming ourselves either! Rather, it’s about more quickly recognizing that our pleasing button has been pushed, and use awareness to more quickly deactivate it.

Certainly, nothing wrong with helping others feel good, but that’s different than going against ourselves or reacting out of obligation.

Surely, none of us want to hide who we are in order to gain approval from others, but we can fall into that trap sometimes to keep the peace. Unfortunately, this always backfires on us!

Though we might make someone else happy by our compliance, we are left feeling miserable in our abandonment of self. Obviously, with easygoing people, it is easier to have reasonable conversations where you communicate and listen to each other’s point of view and make decisions accordingly.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case, as not everyone welcomes our truth, and their displeasure can be transmitted with hostility, criticism and the like.

Ultimately, we have to get rid of the notion that it is selfish to say ‘no’ or to have conflicting preferences or points of view from those around us.

Only by living in alignment can we experience authentic relationships where each person follows their own internal guidance system and responds accordingly, rather than allowing others to monopolize the relationship by only taking their desires into account.

Whom or what triggers you into people pleasing behavior?

Click here for personal-growth coaching information or to schedule an appointment.

Click here for my book, The Right Relationship Starts with You

Redirect Your Focus

It’s easy to focus on what’s wrong, but what about what’s right?

Many of us have had our turn at believing that negative thinking is more realistic than positive thoughts. In fact, it can feel like focusing all on the possible problems that can happen and worrying about them is a preventive measure in keeping away unwanted experiences.

In reality, focusing on what’s wrong or what can potentially go wrong not only makes us feel bad, but doesn’t prevent what we are worrying about from happening anyway. In actuality, negative thinking is a fear based thought habit, from years of conditioning, and repetition, telling us all kinds of self-defeating messages. As we know, all this does is create more anxiety, and takes away our peace of mind.

Therefore, in order to keep our mind calm, and trained to see the brighter side of life, there are many processes we can install to receive positive mental replenishment.

We’ve probably all heard of meditation, reading positive literature, saying affirmations or reciting a regular mantra on a daily basis to reprogram our brain. I would add that surrounding ourselves with things that are aesthetically pleasing in our homes or enjoying outside activities such as sitting by the ocean, hiking a mountain, swimming in a pool or planting in the garden are just as mentally replenishing as well.

Additionally, keeping in contact with our family, friends and other supportive people who we feel wonderful spending time with can keep us upbeat and refueled too.

So, we get to choose each day whether or not to listen to our unhelpful programmed beliefs, or defer to a more enlightened part of ourselves.

How do you stay positive?

Contemplate Getting a Mentor

As many of you know, in addition to doing personal growth coaching with wonderful clients, I’ve been pursuing a Master’s degree in counseling, which takes me away from my communicating here from time to time.

The last few weeks have especially flown by quickly, but I wanted to check in, as I always enjoy our connecting together and will continue to do so.

Connection is so important and it makes me think about all the wonderful contacts I’ve made throughout the years, who have been empowering mentors that provided very valuable personal guidance along the way.

As most of us can attest to, without supportive direction, many of us wouldn’t be pursuing or achieving the goals we have in our life.

That being said, sometimes it’s not always easy to find or know where to go to find the needed support we are looking for at a given time.

Often, when introducing myself and what I do, I’m often asked what a coach does, which is a great question, as it can mean different things to different people.

Therefore, below is a relatively brief highlight list of what a coach or mentor can assist with as follows:

  • A coach helps you clarify what you want to accomplish in your life
  • Supports you through your fears and self-doubt
  • Keeps you focused on the big picture of where you want to go
  • Guides you to do your best and step outside your comfort zone
  • Helps you to live authentically by being true to yourself
  • Discusses how to use your thoughts and energy more effectively
  • Keeps you focused on taking small actions that garner huge results
  • Encourages self-care behaviors to enhance your well-being 

What could you add to the list from your experiences with a mentor?

For more information, feel free to contact me here.

Enjoy your day!

The Right Relationship Starts with You

Appreciate Different Perspectives

A paradigm is a standard, perspective, or set of ideas, a way of looking at something.

It’s no secret that we all don’t see things the same way.

For instance, upon first glance did you see a young woman or an older lady in the drawing above?

Not surprisingly, some people will instantly see an older woman, while others will see a substantially younger woman instead.

Who is right?

In this case, everybody is right because both women are in the picture.

Good reminder that in many situations, there are often no right or wrong answers, just personal preferences, perspectives and opinions.

Which woman did you see first?

The Right Relationship Starts with You

Make a Wanna Have Fun Box

Saving money can be a lot of fun when you create a decorative container to put your excess funds inside of toward vacations, concert tickets or anything else that brings you joy.

Much like a piggy bank when many of us were kids, you can drop extra dollars inside of your creation and watch it grow without effort.

Certainly, putting money away in a separate vacation account at the bank would grow your fun money just as well.

However, if you like the tangible experience and visual pleasure that comes from seeing your creation filling with money, than this method of saving could be a fun idea for you.

                                                             Ready to begin filling!

What would your fund container look like, and what fun plans do you have in store?

The Right Relationship Starts with You

 

 

 

Take a Break

At this time of year, there is often much excited discussion about where everyone is spending their summer vacations.

As would be expected, each person has very different directions and agendas in mind. Some are excited about a big city adventure, or flying to another country, while others desire the solitude of a book on a nearby beach.

Regardless of the location or activity we choose, we all share the common need for taking a break and giving ourselves some breathing room from our everyday routines and the busy activities we are usually engaged in.

I don’t think there is a wrong way to spend our time off except for becoming overwhelmed with the details.

Ideally, living in vacation mode all year long, with regularly scheduled sources of enjoyment, would be a worthwhile adventure as well.

Where are your favorite vacation spots?

 

The Right Relationship Starts with You