Be a Victor Not a Victim


In honor of author Louise Hay’s recent 90th birthday, I thought I would share some of her teachings below, which originated in her book entitled You Can Heal Your Life.

She has been an advocate, and teacher for helping people to love themselves during much of her adult life. She didn’t come from a privileged background or an adoring home, but managed to create a loving life, in spite of her situation.

Many of us come from similarly unhelpful upbringings, and know the internal challenges or insecurities that can result from that experience. However, instead of becoming a victim, she and others have become victors, who are changing their lives, and inspiring those around them as well.

Her example, and nurturing methods helped inspire the writing of my own book too.

In reviewing all the self-care reminders listed below, which has been your greatest challenge or greatest success?

Do Mirror Work.

Look into your eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself while looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents while looking into the mirror. Forgive them, too. At least once a day, say, “I love you, I really love you!”

Have Fun.

Remember the things that gave you joy as a child. Incorporate them into your life now. Find a way to have fun with everything you do. Let yourself express the joy of living. Smile. Laugh. Rejoice, and the Universe rejoices with you!

Love Yourself . . . Do It Now.

Don’t wait until you get well, or lose the weight, or get the new job, or find the new relationship. Begin now—and do the best you can.

Stop All Criticism.

Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

Forgive Yourself.

Let the past go. You did the best you could at the time with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that you had. Now you are growing and changing, and you will live life differently.

Don’t Scare Yourself.

Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It’s a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure, and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

Be Gentle and Kind and Patient.

Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.

Be Kind to Your Mind.

Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.

Praise Yourself.

Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

Support Yourself.

Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.

Be Loving to Your Negatives.

Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So lovingly release the old negative patterns.

Take Care of Your Body.

Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need in order to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise do you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.



Stay True to You


As we know, several people can say the same thing or have the same basic message, yet we respond to each person differently. This seems to result from the many different and unique ways we all express ourselves, which appeals to certain groups and not another.

For instance, many of us have favorite authors we love, and will buy whatever they put out in the world or whatever they recommend. We like what they represent and connect with their ideas. Conversely, another writer can say the same message but we aren’t interested or inspired by their delivery.

As for myself, I connect with Dr. Christiane Northrup, as I find her information to be credible and empowering along with her recommendations, especially after my health scare last year.

Recently, she recommended a book by Anthony William entitled, Medical Medium Life-Changing Foods: Save Yourself and the Ones You Love with the Hidden Healing Powers of Fruits & Vegetables.

However, I do like to branch out and explore other writers for a change of pace, and have come across many who use very colorful language in delivering their message. This style appears to be very popular, judging by the number of followers they are attracting, along with their frequent daily social media postings.

It’s great that there are so many approaches available that can reach a larger population, who might not otherwise be open to the positive information being taught. It also makes me appreciate the mainstays I have been following for years, and see why I’ve been drawn to them as well.

In spite of what others are doing, it’s important to stay true to who we are, and use our own voice for our authentic expression, rather than trying to fit into someone else’s mold.

If we all expressed ourselves the same way, it would be very limiting, and would exclude all those who respond to our particular communication approach.

How do you stay true to you?

Resist Jumping to Conclusions


How we interpret a situation, and the conclusions we draw are not always accurate. This is humorously depicted in some of the funniest sitcoms where continuous misunderstandings are creating constant confusion between the characters.

For instance, in watching the show Modern Family the other night, one of the characters, Mitchell, was holding hands with a supposedly comatose grandmother, when suddenly she grabs his hair, and he yells out “Let go!”

The rest of the family didn’t see the hair grabbing incident, but heard Mitchell yelling for the grandmother to let go, and concluded he meant letting go of her life, and not his hair.

Until he was able to explain what happened, the family was very upset with him based on their interpretation of the situation. Though funny on a TV show, it can be less humorous in our own lives when confusions occur, and our behavior or words are misconstrued.

I remember years ago giving a talk about the dynamics of my first marriage to a group exploring relationship issues. I was telling them that my relationship was like the one demonstrated in the old television show Moonlighting, with Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd.

The characters on the show used to bicker with each other a lot, and that’s how my partner and I communicated with each other much of the time.

Some years later, I ran into a woman who had attended that group, and in our conversation it became clear that she thought I’d been comparing my physical appearance to Cybill Shepherd, rather than comparing my relationship to the one between the program’s characters.

She ultimately admitted that her interpretation of my talk was that I had been bragging about my looks, and how negatively that impacted her feelings about me.

Good reminder to not jump to conclusions, and let go of our certainty that we understand a situation fully when perhaps we don’t have all the facts.

Are you able to resist jumping to conclusions, and consider other possible explanations for what occurs?

Embrace the Truth


In recent weeks, I’ve come across several different websites that were talking about author Glennon Doyle Melton, who wrote the newest Oprah Book Club selection, Love Warrior.

In learning more about her, I found her to be refreshingly honest and wise, as demonstrated in her interview on Super Soul Sunday. In the snippet from the show, she discusses the “I’m fine” response.

We may indeed be fine today, but we might also be scared or hurt or confused on other days. I’m sure many of us can relate to feeling one way on the inside, and ‘acting’ quite differently on the outside by saying all the right things.

There does seem to be a common indoctrination to truth telling, that rewards all our positive feelings and gives less approval to the painful ones.

However, embracing the truth about our internal world, and sharing it with those we trust, is a healthy step to growth and transformation.

Are you able to accept your true feelings, or do you judge yourself for being less than fine?



Give Yourself Permission


Cheryl Richardson and Christiane Northrup are authors I really connect with on all matters relating to self-care. That being said, below are some wonderful permission slips offered on Dr. Northrup’s blog for taking better care of ourselves.


  1. Rest when you need to. If you are tired, give yourself permission to sleep. The dishes, the laundry, and the work you didn’t finish today will still be waiting for you tomorrow.
  1. Feel joy every day. Paint, sing, dance, play music, and have sex if you so desire.
  1. Let go of toxic relationships. Toxic people drain you. Work on creating relationships with people who support you as you are.
  1. Love your body. Stop comparing yourself to the air brushed models in the media. Dress the way you want. Do your hair the way you like it.  If this is difficult, do mirror work and tell your body how much you love it.
  1. Trust your intuition. Step out of your comfort zone and go for whatever feels right – maybe it is a new career path, a new health or fitness program, or simply speaking up when you feel the need.
  1. Simplify your life. Focus on what truly matters to you. Don’t let yourself get derailed by drama.
  1. Forgive yourself. Forgiveness is a process. Find time every day to practice forgiveness.
  1. Say “yes.” Saying “yes” to yourself is empowering. Say “yes” to whatever you want in your life, and say “no” to whatever you don’t want.
  1. Feel the guilt. Realize that the guilt you are feeling is probably just cultural programming. Thank it for sharing and release it.
  1. Be yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. You don’t have to fit any cultural mold.

Which one speaks loudest to you today?


Change Your State

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” -Tony Robbins

Changing our state of mind and feelings can be challenging, but it can also be very exciting, empowering, and exhilarating too!

We all tend to have certain thinking and behavior patterns, which affects the unfolding of our life experiences, and the feelings we have about ourselves as well.

For instance, worry or other stressful thinking, never works in creating joyful feelings for us but definitely works against us, by creating suffering.

Fortunately, we can take steps to elevate our emotional life through awareness and action.

In the video conversation above, bestselling author and life strategist Tony Robbins discusses tips on ‘priming’ ourselves to feel good, and how emotion is created by motion.

What daily preparations do you install for lifting your emotions to a higher state?