You have the power to decide what you allow in your life and the level of involvement you have with people. Setting personal boundaries helps you limit how much you reveal to others, while protecting your body, mind, and soul. Boundaries help you filter out anything or anyone that threatens to invade your peace and serenity. By refusing to permit the negative energy of others into your life, you’re able to create healthy space that allows positive influences to come in.
It’s important to realize that you don’t have to yell or get angry when you let others know what you will allow and what you will not. When others request your time, assistance, financial help, or anything else, your response can be delivered in a gentle and firm manner while stating your honest feelings. This isn’t an ego-driven experience where you’re trying to get even, settle old scores, or control others. It’s just living your truth. You don’t want to put up walls or be confrontational, as that only demonstrates the very behavior you’re trying to purge from your life.
All you need to do is acknowledge that you’re not required to provide a lengthy explanation to anyone about why you will or will not do something. This may feel uncomfortable initially, but it will eventually become more automatic and natural. You’ll discover that it’s actually more loving to have boundaries, be authentic, and take care of your feelings as they arise. Otherwise, you run the risk of resenting others, loathing yourself, and ultimately projecting your anger outward. These negative feelings inevitably lead to unloving behavior which is inconsistent with the intention of harmonious living.
Therefore, it is definitely more beneficial and worthwhile for all concerned, when you are true to yourself and live in a way that is congruent to how you really feel. This means doing what works best for you, instead of what works best for everybody else. You also need to be cognizant of the ways in which you might be infringing on other people’s space and boundaries. This can be especially true in families where you see yourself as one unit and not a group of separate individuals. It might be difficult to hear someone tell you that you’re not respecting a certain boundary, but it’s better to hear the truth than to let resentment fester, which can often mean the end of a relationship.
Today, write down the requests and/or favors that others have asked of you recently that you said “yes” to even though you wanted to say “no.” Think about how you will modify your behavior in the future, and how you think this will make you feel.