It’s wise to remember that a couple is made up of the emotional health of both individuals, so be sure to choose a mate wisely. You can start by noticing if you’re surrounding yourself with critical, angry, or negative people; and see where you have those qualities within yourself. We tend to attract people who mirror the very characteristics we have within us. As we go about modifying these unpleasant attributes, we will attract those who mirror our new reality.
Here are some things to be aware of as you work on attracting the most compatible partner:
— Be emotionally present. Make a commitment to be with someone who is emotionally present while striving to be that way, too. This will lead to a more joyful and equitable relationship. It’s easy to tell if someone isn’t present emotionally—they often seem distracted and don’t appear to be genuinely listening to you when you speak. Examples include an individual who’s glancing over your shoulder when you’re having a conversation instead of looking in your eyes, a person who constantly checks one’s phone for messages or texts, or someone who impatiently encourages you to “get to the point.”
— Use the past as a helpful resource. Making mistakes in prior relationships is a great teacher with respect to what doesn’t work, as well as the relationship skills that need improvement. Your previous interactions represent a wealth of knowledge of what not to do, such as being too available, controlling, or trying to fix someone else. This awareness will help you apply new behaviors for better interpersonal results going forward. This is a positive use of the painful experiences you may have had in the past.
— Take responsibility for the choices you make. We are responsible for how we choose to live our life and for the decisions we make. When we don’t take responsibility for our choice of partner and things don’t turn out as we would like, we may end up blaming others. Yet we may choose someone for the wrong reasons to begin with, or stay in the relationship even after we realize that it isn’t working. If we remain with someone who has proven to be unreliable, in spite of all evidence to the contrary, then we can’t blame anyone else for our choices. And the more we accept this behavior, the more we will draw it to us.
Therefore, instead of choosing to be a victim of our experiences so far, we can learn something from them instead. This will empower us to take the necessary actions to move forward more positively.
For one week, pay attention to the people you are surrounding yourself with and realize that your choices are up to you. You can make better decisions in order to have the relationships you want and deserve.