Cultivate Healthy Friendships












Friendships are a beautiful gift in our lives and help us to ‘blossom’ with joy. Spending time with encouraging and supportive people helps us to be the best that we can be. Conversely, being with people who drain our energy can inhibit us from being our best selves.

Cheryl Richardson, author of Take Time for Your Life, provides us with the following types of friends to avoid, so that we may experience the rewarding relationships we deserve:

The Blamer

This is a person who consistently blames you and/or everyone else for her problems. The world and the people in it always seem to create havoc for this person, and instead of taking responsibility for her life, she’d rather blame others.

The Complainer

This person likes to hear his own voice. He constantly complains about what isn’t working in his life and yet never does anything about it. While you’re being drained, he actually gets energy from complaining and dumping his frustrations on you.

The Drainer

This is the needy person who calls to ask for your guidance, support, information, advice, or whatever she needs to feel better in the moment. Because of her neediness, the conversation often revolves around her, and you can almost feel the life being sucked out of you during the conversation.

The Shamer

This person can be hazardous to your health. The shamer may cut you off, put you down, reprimand you, or make fun of you or your ideas in front of others. He often ignores your boundaries and may try to convince you that his criticism is for your own good. The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before his.

The Discounter

This is the person who discounts or challenges everything you say. Often, she has a strong need to be right and can find fault with any position. It can be exhausting to have a conversation with the discounter, so eventually you end up giving in and deciding to just listen.

The Gossip

This person avoids intimacy by talking about others behind their backs. The gossip gets energy from relaying stories, opinions, and the latest “scoop.” By gossiping about others, he creates a lack of safety in his relationships, whether he realizes it or not. After all, if he’ll talk about someone else, he’ll talk about you.

Action Step:

Seek to surround yourself with those who lift you up.

13 thoughts on “Cultivate Healthy Friendships

  1. Cathie, I love the way you have brought such clarity and precision to what I believe to be an incredibly important part of healing & happiness. Establishing healthy boundaries and healthy relationships is absolutely imperative to properly tending the gardens of our minds. We tend to forget the amount of “input” we are receiving from those with whom we surround ourselves. Surrounding ourselves with like-minded and loving people who contribute to, rather than take away from, our well-being is one of the most important steps we can all take to living more fulfilling and peaceful lives.

    As usual, you have broken down broad concepts and given readers something clear & concise to work with. GREAT POST! Blessings, love & light, Sloan

    • Hi Sloan, thank you so much! I love the way you write and the way you said, ‘Tending the gardens of our minds.’ It is a great visual for the beauty that can grow when we are planting love within and around us. So wonderful to see that you reblogged this on your uplifting blog as well. Blessings, Cathie

      • I wish I could claim the metaphor; but the credit goes to Ernest Holmes. Nonetheless, thank you. I count the connection with you and the way our work seems to flow together as one of the many blessings in my life. Enjoy the rest of your weekend! Namaste, S

      • What a beautiful thing to say Sloan, thank you so much! I feel the same way, that our connection is a huge blessing and I look forward to continued sharing of ideas. Warmly, Cathie

  2. Cathie, I enjoyed this post! A few months ago my best friend and I “broke up” or more accurately I just stopped talking to her after her latest scathing assessment of my personal opinion. Even though the void of the friendship is very real, I am also very aware of how bad this person is and not just to me or for me. Thank you for your post.

    • Thanks for your honest sharing! Very sorry to hear of your friendship situation. Though this is never a fun experience, quite often it can turn out to be a great learning opportunity for all concerned. Great that you are taking care of yourself and doing what feels right for you.

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