Archive | April 2013

Identify, Confront, Release, Heal and Express

big feelings

Some of us have a tendency to express our opinions and feelings with great emotion while others don’t acknowledge or identify what they are experiencing at all. The chart above, reminds us to own and feel our feelings by confronting and taking responsibility for them.

This process provides a more detached view of our emotions, thereby releasing us from the strong emotional attachment we might otherwise experience. It can be very healing and freeing to express what we think and feel without apology, or drama.

Having a rich emotional life is a wonderful thing and a part of being human. However, sometimes the manner in which we deliver our emotions can become a problem for us; even though the content of what we are sharing is valid and valuable. This is usually caused by personalizing the actions and behavior of others and feeling that they made us angry as a result.

No matter who does what, we are responsible for our own feelings and how we communicate them to others. People can certainly trigger unpleasant emotions within us, but we still have to deal with whatever feelings crop up inside of us.

Seen in this light, it puts the power back in our own mind and heart. Once we start blaming others for how we feel, it creates a lot of upset for us and gives them all the power for our emotional state.

Expressing ourselves can be tricky, especially if we come from a background where we were teased for sharing our thoughts; so we may decide unconsciously or consciously to withhold our feelings to prevent ourselves from further hurt.

However, withholding our opinions, feelings and beliefs causes us to hurt more because we are shutting out the spirit of who we are. This type of editing will naturally create a lot of internal anger and resentment. Additionally, it doesn’t allow for the development of close relationships because it puts up an emotional wall that prevents connection at a deeper level.

By courageously confronting our emotions, we are taking an active role in unlocking ourselves from the suffering that occurs when we give away our happiness to another. When we own our emotions, then we can confidently express our comments and feelings without the expectation that others have to change.

We may decide to release certain people or situations from our life as a result of differing life views, personalities or behaviors they possess, but we aren’t doing it in order to get a reaction or to control anyone. On the contrary, we are doing it out of freedom of choice, and the desire to find more fulfilling relationships.

Being continuously triggered or consistently unfulfilled can certainly be a sign that it is time to move on; without making others wrong for not being a compatible choice.

Calmly sharing and owning our feelings is such a wonderful freedom. It gives us more self-esteem, self-respect and confidence, because we are no longer feeling embarrassed by self-destructive reactions. This leaves us feeling more lovable and in control of our emotions.

It isn’t necessarily comfortable to start being more authentic and open after years of being withholding or codependent; as it can be scary and not natural. However, with practice it can be the most healing experience of our life!

Action Step:

Review the chart above, and use it to reduce any negative emotions you may be feeling at this moment, and to claim more independence.

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Take 2 – Book Review

Leeza large

The book entitled, Take 2: Your Guide to Creating Happy Endings and New Beginnings written by Leeza Gibbons was given to me by Hay House Publishing in exchange for my honest opinion of it. As an author of a personal development book, I am always interested in other books of the same genre.

Leeza has a positive, friendly and conversational tone throughout her book and I read it within days of receiving it. Though it would benefit men, it feels more in line for women audiences. There is a heavy focus on internal beauty, but does include a section on external beauty as well.

Though Leeza was a host on Entertainment Tonight television show and has met many celebrities, she doesn’t spend her energy on their personal lives. She mentions them as part of her story but in no way does it feel like she is ‘name dropping’ or using their stories to sell her book.

She seems genuinely interested in passing along information that she has learned over her life thus far and has a passion for doing so. Though the information is not new, especially if you read self-growth books regularly, she has a unique style of dispensing the information that is uplifting and inspiring.

She is a public figure, but she seems very personable and accessible with the same struggles many of us have or have had. I appreciated that her journey is similar to most women, even though we come from different backgrounds.

She has experienced divorce and the death of a parent but has turned her trials into positive outlets for growth and change. Her book centers on the lessons she has learned and the actions she has taken to improve her life.

There are many life lessons discussed in the book and they help us to see that at any age, you can redefine yourself and start over at any time.

It is worth reading and will be a helpful reminder to take ownership of your life by reclaiming your power, and to look at the glass as half full instead of half empty!

a glass

Best Moment Award

Awarding the people who live in the moment,
The noble who write and capture the best in life,
The bold who reminded us what really mattered –
Savoring the experience of quality time.

Two-Time-Best-Moment-Award-Winner

I have been nominated by Deelia at Soul Magnitude for the Best Moment Award. This is my second time being honored with this particular award which I am happy to receive.

I would like to extend a big thank you to Deelia for this wonderful acknowledgment, and for sharing her healing energy throughout the blogosphere.

RULES:

  • Winners re-post this completely with their acceptance speech which can be written or video recorded.
  • Winners have the privilege of awarding the next awardees! The re-post should include a NEW list of people, and notification that they have been nominated.
  • Display the award’s badge on your blog.

ACCEPTANCE SPEECH:

It is wonderful to be a part of the WordPress community, and meeting so many new friends since I began my blog almost one year ago. 

There are so many beautiful and inspirational blogs out there, so it is a huge compliment to be selected for this award among all the other nominees and blogs available.

I love all the insights, lessons and joys that are shared by others in their own individually unique ways; yet uniting us all through common desires, needs and experiences.

Many people have inspired me throughout my life and taught me many things and that includes the creative people I have met here as well.

Blogging is a great way to exchange all kinds of information, so I thank you all for courageously sharing yourselves and elevating my life in the process!

MY NOMINATIONS:

Dutch Goes Italian

Meg Travels

Pride in Photos

Oil Pastels by Mary

Beach Treasures and Treasure Beaches

Kokopelli Bee Free Blog

Congratulations and enjoy!

Express Yourself

present

April is National Poetry Month and today is my birthday! Therefore, since I received the lovely poem below in the form of a greeting card, I thought I would celebrate and share both at the same time. Even if one is not a poetry enthusiast, the feelings behind the words are a wonderful gift for anyone to give and receive. Enjoy!

You’re a miracle to me —
a special gift from God above
whose life is a reflection
of the beauty of God’s love.

You’re a blessing in my world —
a gentle soul, unique and rare,
who always lifts my spirits
with your tender loving care.

You’re everything I’d hoped
the one I love would ever be,
and that’s why you will always be
a miracle to me.

— Emily Matthews

Action Step:

Make yourself and someone else happy by expressing how you feel.

Do Some Spring Cleaning

spring clean

As we begin our home spring cleaning, let’s not forget some other areas that may need sprucing up as well. Spring-cleaning is as much about self-renewal and personal regrowth as it is about having a clean house. We all get in a rut sometimes, so spring is as good a time as any to freshen up our lives both inside and out.

When we do an external spring cleaning we go deeper than our usual weekly straightening up. We go behind couches, into cupboards and any other spaces that don’t usually get our attention. The same is true for us. We need to go deeper sometimes too, by taking stock of our life and getting rid of those things that no longer work for us or reevaluate the way we are looking at a situation.

I was having a conversation with someone recently about a situation they were in and it led to the topic of owning our own power. It was a great reminder of how easy it is to feel that someone is doing something to us, and making us feel a certain way instead of realizing we are allowing them to take away our good feelings.

This wasn’t new information to her but it meant something entirely different in the way we were discussing it. Sometimes we forget that we have the freedom to choose not to permit outside influences to bother us or disturb our peace of mind.

Paying attention to the words we use will help us decide if we are viewing our life from a place of personal choice and freedom, or from a place of powerlessness and resignation to others.

For example, if someone says or does something we don’t like and we feel angry about it we may say, “He makes me angry.” In that moment, we are giving away our freedom by letting someone else decide how we feel. It would be more powerful to say, “I get angry when she does that.” In this way, we take ownership for our feelings, and realize we have a choice to change them to something more beneficial.

We give our power away whenever we make someone outside of us more important than we are.

spring 3

Signs that we may be giving our power away include:

  • Doubting ourselves
  • Having poor boundaries
  • Allowing ourselves to be intimidated
  • Trying to make everyone happy
  • Looking for validation and approval
  • Giving others the power to hurt our self-esteem

Signs of a stronger sense of self and internal power are:

  • Speaking our truth
  • Honoring our feelings
  • Believing in ourselves
  • Learning to say “No”
  • Spending time with people who are kind and considerate
  • Asking for what we need and want

Personal power isn’t about controlling our genuine responses or emotions to life situations. We are human and will spontaneously experience a whole range of emotions. However, it is about shifting our thinking from letting others decide how we will feel and behave, to deciding these things for ourselves.

Where are you giving your power away?

Action Step:

Pretend you are an audience member watching the movie of your life right now. What would you tell the main character to do in their present situations in order to be happier, more powerful and contented? This detached perspective can help us see ourselves and life in a different light and shed a new perspective on it.

Make Valuable Use of Your Time

bucket list

Birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions are times for celebrating with loved ones and enjoying all the merriment that goes along with that. However, it is also a marker of the passing of time which brings reflection and often new revelations. We rejoice in the goals already realized, and excitedly anticipate those that are still on the horizon.

Time is a wonderful gift that is given to us minute by minute each day. Each of us spends our allotted hours in our own unique way. What makes each of us happy may vary from person to person but universally we all want to be healthy, loved and secure.

As the years goes by, we start to value our time more and become more discerning with whom and how we spend it. Many of us start to turn our ‘someday’ goals into ‘current’ goals in order to seize the day right now.

We often hear of the ‘bucket list’ for those that don’t have much time to live, but it is also a valuable list for those who want to live better. It highlights what is important to each of us and provides a list of goals we would like to accomplish.

Without goals, sometimes our precious life can become directionless like sitting in front of the television for more hours than is beneficial.

Usually, goals work best when followed by some kind of time frame. So, if your goal is to take a vacation, then making plans and setting a date is a great way to make that desire a reality. Otherwise, it may stay in the category of ‘someday’ and never come to fruition.

There is a feeling that we have all the time in the world to try new things or explore new places. However, that is not necessarily true. As we get older, we realize how precious time is, and that we need to make the most of each day right now.

Just as things tend to change with time, so do many of us. What might have been a good idea last year; might not be true for us today. For example, the career or relationship we chose in our twenties may no longer be a good fit for us now.

Many of us have endured certain situations or people in order to get along in the past but are less likely to tolerate those same conditions in our advancing age.

Reflecting on where we have been, and using that to enhance our current lives is a beautiful use of our wisdom and experiences. All the wonderful occasions and milestones in our lives give us joyful reminders to make valuable use of our time, and not take anyone or anything for granted.

What goal is in your someday list that you can do today?

Action Step:

Create a bucket list of desires, and keep it where you will see it often as motivation to start checking things off.