Archive | April 2014

Restore Your Vitality

a vitality

I had lunch with a friend of mine the other day, and we had such a great time talking the whole afternoon. She is the type of person that is extremely easy to be with, and leaves one feeling uplifted. This is in stark contrast to some of the encounters we may experience which leave us feeling drained and uninspired.

Having said that, it is important to note that “the energy we bring to an encounter with another person invites similar energy in return.” ~ Cheryl Richardson

Therefore, sometimes the unpleasant interactions we experience with others can stem from the unpleasant thoughts we may be having about them. For instance, most of us can feel when someone is angry or displeased without anyone saying a word but it is still being “energetically” communicated between each other, and they respond in kind.

a energy

It is not only our interactions with others that can affect our energy level but the way we think, and our daily habits can affect our liveliness as well. Our habits and the actions we take or don’t take make a significant difference in our level of energy and the way we feel on a consistent basis.

Everything that is left unfinished or avoided drains our vitality, as well as, not standing up for ourselves or putting ourselves down.

Therefore, it is very beneficial to go through our home, office, car and relationships and see what we are avoiding or what actions we could take to feel emotionally lighter. Do we need to make an overdue phone call, set a boundary, get our oil changed, or remove the clutter from our desk?

As we start to take care of those seemingly small things that worry and weigh on our minds, we’ll begin to feel our enthusiasm rise, and be motivated to take on the bigger challenges as we proceed.

Additionally, we will probably feel a lot more motivated to install some proactive behaviors too such as clearing our desk as we go along, instead of waiting for a large buildup of paperwork to accumulate.

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Basically, everything we do either adds to our energy supply or depletes it. Much like our bank account, we need to be filling up our energy account as well. By spending more time around optimistic people, and doing the things that bring us joy, we replenish our resources, and expand our ability to handle whatever is draining us more effectively.

The results of feeling filled up are easily measurable by our excitement, joyful thoughts and feelings. Conversely, feeling fatigued or uninspired alerts us that our account is low or overdrawn and is in need of a positive deposit.

Therefore, nourishing our mind, body, and spirit with fulfilling daily choices, activities and attitudes will go a long way toward restoring our vitality now, and contributing to our excitement for the future as well.

What helps you feel energized?

Action Step:

Walk around your life and become aware of what makes you feel uplifted and what holds you down. Use this important information to guide your decisions on how to spend your day and with whom.

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Have a Happy Day

“Happy”

  Pharrell Williams 

  (Abbreviated Lyrics)

It might seem crazy what I’m about to say
Sunshine she’s here, you can take a break
I’m a hot air balloon that could go to space
With the air, like I don’t care baby by the way

Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like that’s what you wanna do

Bring me down
Can’t nothing bring me down
My level’s too high
Bring me down
Can’t nothing bring me down
I said

Because I’m happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I’m happy…

 

 

Become the Person You Wish to Attract

a law of attraction

The Best Decision I Ever Made was giving marriage a second chance. After my first marriage ended in divorce many years ago, I had basically written off ever walking down the aisle again, especially after experiencing subsequent disappointing dating experiences as well.

Many of us can probably relate to making similar proclamations when looking over our unsatisfying dating and marriage histories thus far. It might seem like there ‘just aren’t any good men or women out there anymore’ and become discouraged of ever finding that special someone.

Fortunately, when we remember that we’re the other half of our unsuccessful relationships, this can be a very empowering piece of information. Not that we have to change who we are or play games in order to land a desired mate but by enhancing certain aspects of ourselves we’re more likely to meet the type of person we wish to attract.

For instance, if we want a mature, thoughtful, confident, honest partner with integrity, than we need to become that type of person too.

When we ask ourselves, “What is it about me that is choosing a certain type of mate or putting up with certain types of behavior?” then we can increase our chances of finding a more fulfilling relationship by learning how we might be sabotaging ourselves.

It is extremely beneficial to look at each relationship we’ve ever been involved in and notice any similarities among them. Upon review, we may find that we’ve had the same relationship over and over again with the same dynamics playing out over and over again. The names and faces may have been different in each relationship but the repetitive patterns of behavior, and interactions were eerily the same.

We’ll want to observe what it was about each partner that attracted us in the first place? Certainly, physical attractiveness is often an initial enticement but what else did we want in a companion? Are we only attracted to someone with a good sense of humor, who makes us laugh and showers us with compliments?

Upon further investigation, we might realize that we don’t really have much in the way of criteria for what we desire in a relationship or what type of person we desire. Doing a self-appraisal will help us to start looking at how we treat ourselves and others, gain clarity on what we want and improve our self-esteem.

Having low self-esteem can cause us to do the following:

  1. Ignore much of another’s character issues because we feel honored and validated to have been chosen by that person for a date.
  1. Not speak up for ourselves when we don’t feel good about the words and behavior directed at us by our mate.
  1. Excuse missed phone calls, late date arrivals and accepting last minute dates.
  1. Teach others that we don’t require much of them by allowing certain treatment to continue uncorrected or expressed.
  1. Work hard to be who others want us to be and fulfill what they need at our own expense.
  1. Accept certain behaviors because we lack personal boundaries and have poor self-care.
  1. Have difficulty asking for what we need because we fear abandonment or hurting others feelings while ignoring our own.

Over time, stuffing our feelings and ignoring certain behaviors inevitably leads to fighting, nagging, self-pity and depression which doesn’t benefit anyone or make for a happy relationship.

So, when we invest in taking care of ourselves and increase our self-esteem we can look forward to healthier behaviors such as:

  1. Releasing attempts to control another through martyrdom, guilt and feeling sorry for ourselves to get someone to do as we want.
  1. Staying away from trying to force someone do, feel, or think anything.
  1. Realizing that someone else’s character or ways of being is not our job to fix.
  1. Maximizing our own happiness and focus on our own character building.
  1. Learning to communicate what we need, want and desire while feeling strong enough to walk away if we are unable to reach an agreement.
  1. Stop settling for what doesn’t work for us.  
  1. Look to share positive interests, insights and viewpoints of life.

Had I not looked within myself or continued to view marriage and potential partners as the enemy, I would have missed out on experiencing the wonderful relationship I enjoy today!

Action Step:

Review your relationships, and lovingly see what part you play in its success or discomfort.

Don’t Sell Yourself Short

a love you

Recently, someone asked me a question about what I was doing professionally, and I heard myself give a very minimizing answer. It reminded me of a friend who used to say, “don’t play takeaway” when speaking about ourselves or our accomplishments.

Many of us can relate to this when someone pays us a compliment, and instead of saying ‘thank you’ we downplay what was complimented. We might say, “oh, this old thing” when someone recognizes something nice we are wearing or “anyone can do that” when our creative talents are recognized.

Downplaying ourselves can become a habit and we might not even realize we are doing it until we have a moment of clarity, and really hear ourselves. I actually said to this friend after a few minutes, “you know what? I realized I just minimized my answer and would like to respond in the way that is more accurate, and the way I would have liked to respond originally.”

This led to a very meaningful conversation about how she too, can undervalue herself in certain areas of life as well. As a result of this honest and empowering exchange, we both left feeling good about ourselves and more connected with each other.

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There is nothing arrogant about accepting a compliment or feeling proud of ourselves about some aspect of our lives. Unfortunately, many of us think we are being conceited or full of ourselves if we express satisfaction about something we have done or are doing.

Humility is a beautiful quality but is quite different than putting ourselves down or minimizing any positive acknowledgments that are directed our way.

Do you catch yourself diminishing aspects of who you are?

Action Step:

Pay attention to the words you use when someone pays you a compliment or asks about your life. Be sure not to sell yourself short.