Archive | September 2018

Own It!

Own it “accept yourself fully, both your strengths and weaknesses, and live life without regrets or apology.”

~Scott Barry Kaufman

Years ago, I remember a friend saying, “Don’t play takeaway” when someone gives you a compliment or when speaking about your accomplishments.

For instance, instead of saying, “oh, this old thing” when someone compliments your clothing or “anyone can do that” when your creative talents are recognized, just own it and say “thank you.”

May sound easy to embrace wonderful acknowledgements but downplaying ourselves is often a habit.

There is nothing arrogant about accepting a compliment or feeling proud of ourselves about some aspect of our lives. Unfortunately, many of us think we are being conceited or full of ourselves if we express satisfaction about something we have done or are doing.

Humility is a beautiful quality but is quite different than putting ourselves down or minimizing any positive acknowledgments that are directed our way.

Do you catch yourself diminishing aspects of who you are? How would you like to own it today?

Action Step:

Pay attention to the words you use when someone pays you a compliment or asks about your life. Be sure not to sell yourself short!

Click here for personal-growth coaching information or to schedule an appointment.

Click here for my book, The Right Relationship Starts with You

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Deactivate People Pleasing Buttons

We’ve all heard the refrain, “Just say No!” or “Speak Your Truth” in response to undesirable requests or unpleasant behaviors from other people.

Clearly easier said than done!

For instance, many of us can relate to saying ‘Yes’ when we wanted to say ‘No’ because we didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or appear unkind in our honesty.  So, we agreed to the request with our words, which didn’t align with what we really wanted to say.

In these cases, it’s easy to blame the other person for our dishonest answer, but often it is our own people pleasing habits, or fear of confrontation that made us go against our true preferences, desires, wants and needs.

That said, it isn’t about blaming ourselves either! Rather, it’s about more quickly recognizing that our pleasing button has been pushed, and use awareness to more quickly deactivate it.

Certainly, nothing wrong with helping others feel good, but that’s different than going against ourselves or reacting out of obligation.

Surely, none of us want to hide who we are in order to gain approval from others, but we can fall into that trap sometimes to keep the peace. Unfortunately, this always backfires on us!

Though we might make someone else happy by our compliance, we are left feeling miserable in our abandonment of self. Obviously, with easygoing people, it is easier to have reasonable conversations where you communicate and listen to each other’s point of view and make decisions accordingly.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case, as not everyone welcomes our truth, and their displeasure can be transmitted with hostility, criticism and the like.

Ultimately, we have to get rid of the notion that it is selfish to say ‘no’ or to have conflicting preferences or points of view from those around us.

Only by living in alignment can we experience authentic relationships where each person follows their own internal guidance system and responds accordingly, rather than allowing others to monopolize the relationship by only taking their desires into account.

Whom or what triggers you into people pleasing behavior?

Click here for personal-growth coaching information or to schedule an appointment.

Click here for my book, The Right Relationship Starts with You