Tag Archive | honesty

Be a Truth Teller

 

When asked how we’re doing, many of us can probably relate to saying ‘I’m FINE’ when we really aren’t. It is actually refreshing to hear someone admit that they don’t feel perfectly wonderful all the time, as presented in the video.

As mere humans, we have a whole range of emotions which thankfully means there isn’t something wrong with us if we aren’t feeling wonderful every minute.

The beautiful part about telling the truth or admitting we don’t always feel fine, is that it opens the door to receiving the necessary help we many need in a particular situation, and allows us to assist others as well.

Additionally, there are great conversations to be found with truth tellers who share beyond the level of ‘small talk.’ Small talk is defined as polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters, especially as engaged in on social occasions.

Certainly, these types of conversations are more appropriate for certain situations, but a steady diet of it can be emotionally draining and deprive us of the needed connection that honest sharing can bring.

Saying ‘I’m fine’ doesn’t necessarily mean we aren’t telling the truth, but only we can be the judge of that, as we are the only ones who knows what’s really going on inside us.

How do you honor your truth?

The Right Relationship Starts with You

 

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Be Assertive

Recently, I’ve had several conversations regarding the topic of assertiveness, and there does seem to be a lot of varied opinions or beliefs on the matter.

Often, many of us associate assertiveness with aggressiveness, but they are not the same thing.

Assertiveness is simply speaking up for ourselves without hostility or stomping over other people’s rights. It is not about trying to change people or being cruel or unkind, whereas, aggressiveness is controlling, hostile and repugnant.

Often those who struggle with expressing themselves were raised to be “good” girls and boys who were taught to avoid making relational waves or asking for what they needed.

Additionally, many were directly or indirectly instructed to believe that being a nice person meant doing whatever anyone asks of them, without taking themselves into account.

However, this kind of nice or self-sacrificing pattern of living keeps us from setting boundaries and leads to destructive people-pleasing behaviors such as saying ‘Yes’ when we mean ‘No.’

Ultimately, these types of dishonest responses will negatively impact our interpersonal relationships.

For instance, if we do everything for everyone all the time, they consciously or unconsciously begin to take advantage of us, which we taught them by continuing to carry their weight and ours too!

Therefore, people-pleasing is ultimately not very pleasing because submerging our genuineness often leads to resentment toward others!

These resentments can lead to passive-aggressive behavior which has been referred to as “sugar coated hostility” in the form of subtle or (not so subtle) snide remarks, silent treatment or withholding affection.

Having genuine relationships doesn’t mean that everyone will always get what they ask for, but at least all those involved would be honestly expressing what is true for them.

All in all, being a good friend to ourselves and those around us involves exercising our assertiveness muscles and sharing who we truly are, instead of betraying ourselves by trying to win the approval of everyone around us.

What does assertiveness mean to you and is it easy for you to kindly speak up?