Tag Archive | Joy

Don’t Let Anyone Burst Your Bubble

“Giving information to another person that will more than likely disappoint them; to ruin someone’s happy moment; to destroy someone’s expectations.” Author Unknown

I’m sure we have all experienced those times when we are feeling great and having a wonderful time, and then someone says something that could easily deflate our mood.

Recently, I was laughing and having a great time at a festive function, when out of the blue one the participants starting discussing something very negative and depressing.

Sometimes people will do this if they aren’t feeling happy, and will try to lessen the levity in order to feel more comfortable. Or, they might feel left out of a conversation and want some attention without even realizing it.

In other cases, people may believe they are protecting us from disappointment by providing undesirable commentary on potential career, relationship or other exciting opportunities.

Saturday Night Live Skit

Though these and similar behaviors can be challenging to deal with, we all have triggers that unconsciously influence our behavior beyond our conscious intentions.

This is great news, because knowing this will help us understand that we are only responsible for our own behavior, thoughts and feelings and aren’t responsible for the triggers inside of someone else or their reactions.

We can only observe, investigate and increase our awareness of what goes on inside of us, and choose better responses, rather than reacting in the usual way, such as taking others comments so personally.

Fortunately, we don’t have to allow the unhappiness, words or actions of another to negatively influence our experiences, but can enjoy ourselves in spite of them. What a freedom!

What helps you deal with Debbie Downer portrayed in the video link above, or keeps you from becoming one yourself?

 

 

Look at Your Internal Reactions

Often negative words or behaviors are demonstrated in reaction to disturbing events, people or situations. Though we can certainly learn to outwardly respond more positively to our circumstances, it doesn’t necessarily alleviate the stresses within.

Therefore, instead of focusing on the external events, and giving away our power to the actions of others, it is more beneficial to put our focus on how we are internalizing what is occurring.

  • For instance, are we personalizing the behaviors of others, and feeling hurt as a result?
  • Are we making ourselves wrong if someone disagrees with us?

Personalizing and making ourselves wrong are types of internal reactions which definitely influences how we feel on any given day. Not surprising, many of us react pretty similarly to the same stimuli on a regular basis, which provides valuable insight into how we process life.

It can feel as though someone or something is inserting negativity or stress within us or making us feel a certain way. However, usually what is happening is we are being triggered by something in the environment, which activates long standing thinking or emotional patterns.

For example, we may struggle with people pleasing, or have trouble setting personal boundaries which creates unpleasant feelings within us.

These unpleasant feelings can alert us to take better care of ourselves and see if an old fear, worry, or insecurity has been activated as well, thereby helping us reclaim our power, instead of believing it is being taken from us.

What internal reactions have improved for you and what made the difference?

 

 

Give Yourself Permission

permission

Cheryl Richardson and Christiane Northrup are authors I really connect with on all matters relating to self-care. That being said, below are some wonderful permission slips offered on Dr. Northrup’s blog for taking better care of ourselves.

Enjoy!

  1. Rest when you need to. If you are tired, give yourself permission to sleep. The dishes, the laundry, and the work you didn’t finish today will still be waiting for you tomorrow.
  1. Feel joy every day. Paint, sing, dance, play music, and have sex if you so desire.
  1. Let go of toxic relationships. Toxic people drain you. Work on creating relationships with people who support you as you are.
  1. Love your body. Stop comparing yourself to the air brushed models in the media. Dress the way you want. Do your hair the way you like it.  If this is difficult, do mirror work and tell your body how much you love it.
  1. Trust your intuition. Step out of your comfort zone and go for whatever feels right – maybe it is a new career path, a new health or fitness program, or simply speaking up when you feel the need.
  1. Simplify your life. Focus on what truly matters to you. Don’t let yourself get derailed by drama.
  1. Forgive yourself. Forgiveness is a process. Find time every day to practice forgiveness.
  1. Say “yes.” Saying “yes” to yourself is empowering. Say “yes” to whatever you want in your life, and say “no” to whatever you don’t want.
  1. Feel the guilt. Realize that the guilt you are feeling is probably just cultural programming. Thank it for sharing and release it.
  1. Be yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. You don’t have to fit any cultural mold.

Which one speaks loudest to you today?

 

Cherish All Gifts

inner peace

We all like to give and receive gifts.

Sometimes, as the giver, we have to hunt high and low, to find that perfect item for the special person, and occasion we are celebrating.

Often though, the best gifts are the ones we don’t buy but the ones we personally create.

For example, years ago, I had heard about a mother named Charlene Costanzo who had written down 12 loving messages for her two daughters as a personal gift of life lessons, and to describe the gifts we are born with.

Later, she would turn it into a book called The Twelve Gifts of Birth, so that others could enjoy them as well.

Below are the twelve gifts she wrote about, which we are all blessed with at birth, and can enjoy for a lifetime.

12 gifts

What is the best gift you’ve received?

Retain Your Joy

keep calmMany situations can tempt us to allow our joy to be taken from us, such as an unkind comment or betrayal in a friendship.

Certainly, these scenarios can be confusing, and upsetting, which takes some time to process. However, what adds to the pain is feeling bad about ourselves or blaming ourselves for why others are acting in certain ways.

While no one is perfect, and we can unintentionally exacerbate a perplexing situation, we are not the cause of another persons choice in behavior. We all have a choice on how we respond to life, and in our relationships.

This includes the choice to not believe any negative thoughts we have about ourselves which can steal our joy as well.

Often, it is a blessing when challenges or discomfort occurs because it lets us know it may be time to move on, or stand up for ourselves or learn how to handle emotions in a less personally damaging way.

Staying positive preserves our happy spirit, contains our personal power, and boosts our energy needed to take the necessary actions we need to take.

We are stronger than we think, and have a bigger impact than we know. If we become discouraged or frustrated for too long, than we won’t make the positive impact we are called to make both individually, and in our world.

So, keeping our joy is not about denying that pain exists or being inauthentic in our responses. It is about not allowing ourselves to lose hope, or pleasure, and keeping focused on what is good and possible.

What helps you keep your joy?