Tag Archive | Relationships

Just Show Up

On a Facebook post recently, I showed the above photograph of my husband and I on our wedding anniversary, while celebrating at a child’s birthday party at the same time.

Initially, we were going to spend the evening alone which is always wonderful, but this particular evening, we felt inspired to share in the birthday festivities too!

We generally tend to celebrate our special occasions for an entire week anyway, so we didn’t miss anything but GAINED everything.

Showing up for others has a surprising way of showing up for ourselves as well!

Not only does being present for others deepen our interpersonal connections and spread joyful feelings throughout our relationships, it also spreads a sense of well-being within our own internal emotional systems too!

Certainly, there is nothing wrong with declining invitations, and carving out our own special time for privately celebrating whichever way we choose.

However, in this particular instance and many others that occur, sometimes just showing up can produce the most unexpected results, and leave a positive ripple effect that one could never anticipate.

In what ways have you shown up and experienced positive outcomes?

Avoid Going in Circles

When we look out at the ocean, each of us selects certain things to focus on such as seagulls, surfers, boaters, swimmers, and even our wandering thoughts. Unfortunately, sometimes our roaming thoughts can turn to fear, guilt, or remorse, which doesn’t lead to feeling good or take us where we want to go.

Therefore, we need to direct our thinking toward ideas, images or beliefs that will elevate us, and perhaps cease watching certain negative television programming too! 🙂

Like a fish swimming in a bowl, we can go round and round in circles and have a limited view of what else is available or possible and end up feeling trapped. But, unlike the fish, we can expand our view by choosing more positive thoughts, and set ourselves free no matter what is happening.

We’ve all heard about the law of attraction, and the strong energetic vibrational pull which is often associated with manifesting a certain relationship, career or other desired outcome from optimistic verses pessimistic thinking.

Unfortunately, too often, we become preoccupied with manifesting specific situations which can lead to disappointment, frustration or depression if our outcomes don’t show up on time, or in the way we want. This is not a unique state of mind or surprising emotion to experience when faced with unrealized goals, dreams or desires. However, getting discouraged is often a common reason why our desires don’t seem to be materializing.

Ironically, when we decide to care more about how we feel, verses what we wish to attract, than we are victors no matter if the desired event comes to pass or not. Either way, by reaching for uplifting thoughts, we get to experience more joy, which is why we often want external events or situations in the first place.

Therefore, when we become feeling good focused, we get to feel great regardless of events, and paradoxically, without the negativity or low energy of disappointment getting in the way, our expectations often do occur.

What helps you stay feeling good?

Don’t Let Anyone Burst Your Bubble

“Giving information to another person that will more than likely disappoint them; to ruin someone’s happy moment; to destroy someone’s expectations.” Author Unknown

I’m sure we have all experienced those times when we are feeling great and having a wonderful time, and then someone says something that could easily deflate our mood.

Recently, I was laughing and having a great time at a festive function, when out of the blue one the participants starting discussing something very negative and depressing.

Sometimes people will do this if they aren’t feeling happy, and will try to lessen the levity in order to feel more comfortable. Or, they might feel left out of a conversation and want some attention without even realizing it.

In other cases, people may believe they are protecting us from disappointment by providing undesirable commentary on potential career, relationship or other exciting opportunities.

Saturday Night Live Skit

Though these and similar behaviors can be challenging to deal with, we all have triggers that unconsciously influence our behavior beyond our conscious intentions.

This is great news, because knowing this will help us understand that we are only responsible for our own behavior, thoughts and feelings and aren’t responsible for the triggers inside of someone else or their reactions.

We can only observe, investigate and increase our awareness of what goes on inside of us, and choose better responses, rather than reacting in the usual way, such as taking others comments so personally.

Fortunately, we don’t have to allow the unhappiness, words or actions of another to negatively influence our experiences, but can enjoy ourselves in spite of them. What a freedom!

What helps you deal with Debbie Downer portrayed in the video link above, or keeps you from becoming one yourself?

 

 

Resist Jumping to Conclusions

jump-to-conclusions

How we interpret a situation, and the conclusions we draw are not always accurate. This is humorously depicted in some of the funniest sitcoms where continuous misunderstandings are creating constant confusion between the characters.

For instance, in watching the show Modern Family the other night, one of the characters, Mitchell, was holding hands with a supposedly comatose grandmother, when suddenly she grabs his hair, and he yells out “Let go!”

The rest of the family didn’t see the hair grabbing incident, but heard Mitchell yelling for the grandmother to let go, and concluded he meant letting go of her life, and not his hair.

Until he was able to explain what happened, the family was very upset with him based on their interpretation of the situation. Though funny on a TV show, it can be less humorous in our own lives when confusions occur, and our behavior or words are misconstrued.

I remember years ago giving a talk about the dynamics of my first marriage to a group exploring relationship issues. I was telling them that my relationship was like the one demonstrated in the old television show Moonlighting, with Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd.

The characters on the show used to bicker with each other a lot, and that’s how my partner and I communicated with each other much of the time.

Some years later, I ran into a woman who had attended that group, and in our conversation it became clear that she thought I’d been comparing my physical appearance to Cybill Shepherd, rather than comparing my relationship to the one between the program’s characters.

She ultimately admitted that her interpretation of my talk was that I had been bragging about my looks, and how negatively that impacted her feelings about me.

Good reminder to not jump to conclusions, and let go of our certainty that we understand a situation fully when perhaps we don’t have all the facts.

Are you able to resist jumping to conclusions, and consider other possible explanations for what occurs?