Tag Archive | self-love

Do What’s Right for You

 The nature of conflict means you can’t set a boundary in your life and take care of someone else’s feelings at the same time.   Martha Beck

Each holiday season is a good time to remember to strengthen our personal boundaries. During this festive time of year, many of us have an extra tendency to take on too much, and over commit ourselves. Sometimes, this is because we are excited about the season and enjoy the gaiety; while other times it is because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, and want to avoid feeling guilty.

Only we can tell the difference within ourselves if we are pleasing ourselves or people pleasing others. If we are engaged in the latter, then it is time to strengthen our boundaries by developing a stronger “no” muscle.

As indicated in my book, it’s actually more loving to have boundaries, be authentic, and take care of our feelings as they arise, as opposed to a passive approach to life. When we don’t speak up for ourselves, it can only breed resentment toward others, and inevitably lead to unloving behavior which is inconsistent with the intention of harmonious living.

Therefore, if what we are being asked to do is not to our liking than we have the freedom to graciously decline the request. We need to remember that we are not responsible for other people’s feelings but are responsible for how we communicate our responses to others.

Similarly, it is important to graciously respect the boundaries of others as well. We may be good at delivering a “no” but not so great at receiving that response from others.

Just as setting loving boundaries with others is a crucial step in self-care, so is setting nurturing boundaries with ourselves as well. Many of us push ourselves beyond the point of what is healthy such as neglecting to put parameters around the number of hours we work or by skimping on sleep.

With that said, below are some wonderful permission slips from Dr. Christiane Northrup, which we can start applying today! The resultant good feelings will create a wonderful ripple effect both within and around us.

  1. Rest when you need to. If you are tired, give yourself permission to sleep. The dishes, the laundry, and the work you didn’t finish today will still be waiting for you tomorrow.
  2. Feel joy every day. Paint, sing, dance, play music, and have sex if you so desire.
  3. Let go of toxic relationships. Toxic people drain you. Work on creating relationships with people who support you as you are.
  4. Love your body. Stop comparing yourself to the air brushed models in the media. Dress the way you want. Do your hair the way you like it.  If this is difficult, do mirror work and tell your body how much you love it.
  5. Trust your intuition. Step out of your comfort zone and go for whatever feels right – maybe it is a new career path, a new health or fitness program, or simply speaking up when you feel the need.
  6. Simplify your life. Focus on what truly matters to you. Don’t let yourself get derailed by drama.
  7. Forgive yourself. Forgiveness is a process. Find time every day to practice forgiveness.
  8. Say “yes.” Saying “yes” to yourself is empowering. Say “yes” to whatever you want in your life, and say “no” to whatever you don’t want.
  9. Feel the guilt. Realize that the guilt you are feeling is probably just cultural programming. Thank it for sharing and release it.
  10. Be yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. You don’t have to fit any cultural mold.

What nurturing choices are you making?

 

 

 

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Consider Your Legacy

As I learned about Louise Hays passing yesterday, I couldn’t help but think of the special legacy she has left.

For those of you familiar with her work, you know she spoke extensively about positive affirmations, mirror work and loving one’s self.

Her books and teaching have helped millions of people, along with the authors she gathered together in her Hay House publishing company.

Her life will be remembered as one who spread positivity and helpful teachings that encouraged people to treat themselves with love and respect.

Though I never met Louise, I’ve been inspired by the principles she taught and her ability to turn a rough childhood into such an inspiring adult life.

Even though she is no longer with us, her inspirational work will live on and hopefully prompt us all to create a lasting legacy of contribution as well.

Who inspires you and how would you like to be remembered?

 

Don’t Reject Yourself

be-there-for-yourself

In reading an inspirational book the other day, I came across the following positive passage, and thought I would share it with you below. This struck me as a wonderful mantra to read on a daily basis to lift us up, and combat the sneaky internal critic that visits us on a regular basis.

I will no longer deal in self-contempt. I will turn down negative inner dialogue that constantly makes negative comparisons between myself and others. Shame is no longer a part of my identity. Thoughts of my being defective or not quite good enough are being released from my consciousness at this moment. I am a lovable and capable person, and I will not reject myself.

― Rokelle Lerner

It can be tempting to doubt our lovability or value when someone says an unkind remark, or acts in a negative way toward us. Certain words or behaviors can really sting, and hurt our feelings, along with the practice of comparing ourselves to others. We certainly don’t want to add to the situation by being unkind toward ourselves too!

Therefore, it’s always a good reminder to be our own best friend, and not abandon or reject ourselves with self-criticism, no matter what is going on within or around us!

What helps you to combat the internal critic?

Be a Victor Not a Victim

be-a-victor

In honor of author Louise Hay’s recent 90th birthday, I thought I would share some of her teachings below, which originated in her book entitled You Can Heal Your Life.

She has been an advocate, and teacher for helping people to love themselves during much of her adult life. She didn’t come from a privileged background or an adoring home, but managed to create a loving life, in spite of her situation.

Many of us come from similarly unhelpful upbringings, and know the internal challenges or insecurities that can result from that experience. However, instead of becoming a victim, she and others have become victors, who are changing their lives, and inspiring those around them as well.

Her example, and nurturing methods helped inspire the writing of my own book too.

In reviewing all the self-care reminders listed below, which has been your greatest challenge or greatest success?

Do Mirror Work.

Look into your eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself while looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents while looking into the mirror. Forgive them, too. At least once a day, say, “I love you, I really love you!”

Have Fun.

Remember the things that gave you joy as a child. Incorporate them into your life now. Find a way to have fun with everything you do. Let yourself express the joy of living. Smile. Laugh. Rejoice, and the Universe rejoices with you!

Love Yourself . . . Do It Now.

Don’t wait until you get well, or lose the weight, or get the new job, or find the new relationship. Begin now—and do the best you can.

Stop All Criticism.

Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

Forgive Yourself.

Let the past go. You did the best you could at the time with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that you had. Now you are growing and changing, and you will live life differently.

Don’t Scare Yourself.

Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It’s a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure, and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

Be Gentle and Kind and Patient.

Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.

Be Kind to Your Mind.

Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.

Praise Yourself.

Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

Support Yourself.

Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.

Be Loving to Your Negatives.

Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So lovingly release the old negative patterns.

Take Care of Your Body.

Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need in order to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise do you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.

 

 

Give Yourself Permission

permission

Cheryl Richardson and Christiane Northrup are authors I really connect with on all matters relating to self-care. That being said, below are some wonderful permission slips offered on Dr. Northrup’s blog for taking better care of ourselves.

Enjoy!

  1. Rest when you need to. If you are tired, give yourself permission to sleep. The dishes, the laundry, and the work you didn’t finish today will still be waiting for you tomorrow.
  1. Feel joy every day. Paint, sing, dance, play music, and have sex if you so desire.
  1. Let go of toxic relationships. Toxic people drain you. Work on creating relationships with people who support you as you are.
  1. Love your body. Stop comparing yourself to the air brushed models in the media. Dress the way you want. Do your hair the way you like it.  If this is difficult, do mirror work and tell your body how much you love it.
  1. Trust your intuition. Step out of your comfort zone and go for whatever feels right – maybe it is a new career path, a new health or fitness program, or simply speaking up when you feel the need.
  1. Simplify your life. Focus on what truly matters to you. Don’t let yourself get derailed by drama.
  1. Forgive yourself. Forgiveness is a process. Find time every day to practice forgiveness.
  1. Say “yes.” Saying “yes” to yourself is empowering. Say “yes” to whatever you want in your life, and say “no” to whatever you don’t want.
  1. Feel the guilt. Realize that the guilt you are feeling is probably just cultural programming. Thank it for sharing and release it.
  1. Be yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. You don’t have to fit any cultural mold.

Which one speaks loudest to you today?

 

Let Go of the Outcome

let go

At some point in our life, we all experience times when something doesn’t go our way, even when we have taken all the right actions.

For instance, we might have returned to school to study a particular trade, but didn’t land our dream job right out of school. Or we might have been turned down for a promotion we worked hard for, or didn’t get the dream house we desired after saving for many years.

It is normal to have certain expectations about the outcomes we desire. However, if we don’t get the results we want, then we have to let go in the present moment, and trust that the outcome will be better for us down the road.

Letting go, and accepting a particular outcome doesn’t mean giving up or abandoning our dreams altogether, it just means we might have to find another way, or move in a different direction for the time being.

It is usually only in hindsight, that we can see the blessings behind the postponements. Thankfully, we usually end up finding a better job, starting our own company, or finding a better house than the one we originally planned on.

Experiencing any disappointment can be a challenge while we are going through it, but finding acceptance will make it a much more peaceful process. One way to find acceptance is by being grateful for what we already have, as expressed in a section of my book below.

‘Having a grateful heart makes us aware of all the wonderful things we currently have in our life, and an appreciation for all the gifts we’ve been given in the past. Increasing our awareness on a daily basis of all the good we have now and wish to receive, begins with “gratitude thinking.”

A good way to maintain a feeling of gratitude is to write down five or more things we’re grateful for each day, and really feel the appreciation.

We can also take the written list one step further as Dr. Christiane Northrup does, and keep a video log, where we record something we are grateful for each day too! That way, we have a visual book which is fun to look at as well.

By installing a daily habit of gratitude, we are nurturing our mind and heart with loving support, and developing trust that the right outcome for us is on the way!

How do you keep positive in the face of disappointments?

 

Follow Proven Steps to Success

jack canfield 3

Many of us remember the scene in the comedy, When Harry Met Sally, where the onlooking customer in the restaurant says, “I’ll have what she’s having.” This of course, was in response to Sally enjoying an incredibly pleasurable lunch! 🙂

Similarly, many of us look to those who are successful, and wish we could experience the same level of gratification that they are feeling.

This is certainly attainable if we do what they’re doing. Many of the most successful people seem to share certain habits and strategies, which have guided them on their journey to achieving their dreams.

Jack Canfield, co-creator of the bestselling Chicken Soup for the Soul series, is definitely an inspiring example of one who has mastered the strategies necessary to achieve his visions, and shares them in his wonderful book, The Success Principles.

This inspiring guide contains over 60 timeless principles that can be adapted to our own life, and increase our confidence along the way.

I particularly enjoyed the chapter on goal setting, as it really motivated me to make this a regular habit, and experience some fun in the process. Although some of us feel our goals need to be massive in scope, this is not necessarily the case.

Jack suggests that even the smallest of objectives make life rich and rewarding. The point is to set goals each day that feel good, and keep us looking forward to the day ahead.

This can include anything from thinking more positively, to larger endeavors such as career changes or traveling the world.

So, if you find yourself wanting what someone else is having, let it inspire you to start setting goals today!